Winter Wonderland

Formal was last night.
I danced, danced a lot.
Danced with some good friends and had a blast.
I danced with a person whom I've never danced with before.
Dancing with him was exciting and fun.
He's a pretty close friend of mine who I appreciate so much.
I felt connected to him on the dance floor, maybe it was just me.
I think about what it would be if we were more than friends, but at this point I understand that he is not interested. I'd rather maintain a close friendship than not have him at all, but maybe one day.

Locks of Love

I donated 10 inches of my hair yesterday.
It felt empowering, for once I actually felt like a person with meaning.
I stood there facing the salon mirrors, watching the hairdresser slowly cut my hair.
She handed me my pony tail. For some odd reason, holding my hair, knowing that it was going to someone in need, made me feel amazing. I want to feel that more often. What can I do to feel so light and happy?

To the one who will one day have my hair,
I'd like to thank you for giving me the oppurtunity to help someone else. I'd like to thank you for being strong and fighting hard to survive your disease. You need my hair more than I will ever and I am sincerily glad to know that you, a beautiful soul, have fought. Keep fighting.

Peace

My mom went away on a business trip this past week. It was a great week.
Just her being away for such a period time relieve me of half my burdens.

She's back now, I hope it stays peaceful because I really need tranquility.
Here's to a good, successful, and serene year.

Thank you

Thank you for being an amazing friend,
One who listens withought being judgmental.
One who is not afraid to say what he really feels.
One of the smartest, most insightful people I know.

I am so happy to have gotten to know you this year, withought you like i said earlier, I'd be a lost soul. I look forward to being able to have a meaningful conversation with you, knowing that you'll be glad to talk. I can't thank you enough. I hope we stay close for a long time to come.

P.S. Be sure to attend the club meeting.

You'll See

Why shouldn't I?

It is a new semester, a clean slate. You are telling me not to manage the team, why not! It is for me, for my benefit, I want to do it. I want to be a part of my school, contribute to something. Now that I think about it, yes I am capable of getting better grades, but why is that what defines me. I am not my grades, I am better than them, and you know what, I will end up in a fucking good place. Meetings on Wednesday made me realize that if I'm not pushing myself than I'm not trying hard enough. So you know what, I will push my self to be a good student, friend, leader, person, but most importantly I will push myself for you to see what I'm made of. Fuck it if I'm not perfect, I am who I am not changing myself for you.

You'll see.

2 weeks

Two weeks I didn't do it. Two weeks I lasted with hurting myself. I was away, isolated, and happy. I'm back home, its 2011 and the cycle has started over again. The first thing I said to myself this year was that I was going to stop, I was sure of it. But not sure enough. The book I read over break, Its Kind of a Funny Story is playing in my head over and over again. I feel like Craig, worthless, no guy in my life (in his case girl) and the pressure of high school. And to top it off, my mother. G-d I just came back from another world and she's sucked me into her paranoia of everything. In a way, I also feel like Christopher McCandless. Should I leave this shit hole and explore, because that honestly feels like the best thing to do right about now. I'd rather rot in an abandoned bus with a clear mind, than here, in this black hole. I feel like the life is slowly being sucked out of me again..

2 weeks, and all it took was a single sentence from her.